1 Kings 19: 21

I'm pretty sure that I have mentioned in a previous blog post that I tell my story of why I am in New Jersey often. There are always new volunteers on site and people at church for me to recite, "I'm from California and I took a year off from school so that I could come here and work for Habitat to help with Sandy re-build." There are always follow up questions... "What school did you go to?", "What grade are you in?", "What part of California are you from?" (I swear I have said the word "Sacramento" a couple hundred times since I have been here) and then I clarify that, yes, that is Northern California. Sometimes I get, "Where are you living?", "Who are you living with?", "Wait... so are you here with your family or are they still in California?" I answer their questions and at the end of it all I am faced with a myriad of responses. 

A lot more than I would have ever expected I have people tell me that I am very brave for doing what I am doing. That at my age, they wouldn't have been able to do what I have done. Hearing this repeatedly has taught me something about myself that I didn't expect to learn about myself. I now see that I am a much stronger and braver person than I thought I was. I probably never would have seen it if so many people hadn't told me it with such confidence and sureness. 

Before I left California, one of my favorite teachers from high school told Avonlee and me that a lot of times he worries for our generation but that we gave him faith in our generation and hope for the future. I was so taken a back when he told me this because it is such a strong statement and honestly I thought it was a silly thing of him to say. Don't get me wrong, I was flattered, but I also didn't really think I fit the bill. I am just some girl who likes church, art and cats... not someone who gives people hope for the future. More recently I have heard something that gave me I similar feeling. Last week I was walking past two people talking on a construction site and I over heard,  "It's not everyday you meet someone like her." I look up at the man who said it and he smiled at me and said, "It's true sweetheart." 

I stated in my blog back when it was on Tumblr that regret scares the crap out of me. Maybe I didn't say it quite like that, but I did say that I had the idea of doing this trip and that I didn't want to have regrets and that I knew that if I didn't do it I would regret it. So, I did everything in my power to make it happen. But how exactly did this happen. Why did I actually decided to ditch school for a year and move to New Jersey away from my family and friends who I love so very much? I never would have thought that I was brave enough. 

Last Sunday, one of the scripture verses was 1 Kings 19:21 which reads:

21 So Elisha left him and went back. He took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the plowing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he set out to follow Elijah and became his servant.

Elisha literally slaughtered and burned his life without second guessing and he just left it all to follow Elijah. I was sitting there in church and I was having one of those moments where things in my brain were clicking together and I got goosebumps and suddenly things made sense. Strength and bravery come from God, duh, I've heard that a million times. BUT OH MY GOODNESS IT'S SO TRUE! He gives you the power to do things that you didn't think you would be able to do and He makes you into someone you didn't think you could be! 

If anything, this blog post is for future Lilly. In the future I will be looking back at this year and THIS SPECIFIC POST will be here to remind me of who I am and what I am able to do (WHICH IS EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING BECAUSE GOD IS SO TOTALLY AWESOME!) and to remind me of the people and moments where God was literally sitting there and telling me to chill out because he's got my back and can make me into whoever I need to be to do his will. 

Anyways, if you actually read all of this, thanks for hanging in there and I hope you are having a good day :) 
The Morris family is moving into their home in Sea Bright in a few days so I am going to have an amazing week even though I am sick with a cold.